In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Why you should care: Because if it’s bad enough, maybe Uwe Boll will beat up more film critics.
Fanboys
Why you should care: Kristen Bell in a Princess Leia gold bikini.
Cloverfield
Why you should care: Because you won’t be able to live with yourself until you know whether it’ll live up to the hype.
Cassandra’s Dream
Why you should care: It’s a Woody Allen movie starring Colin Farrell and Ewan McGregor.
Rambo
Why you should care: Stallone can still kick ass, even if he’s older than your grandpa.
FEBRUARY
Be Kind Rewind
Why you should care: Jack Black and Mos Def re-enacting all the movies of your childhood. What’s not to like?
My Blueberry Nights
Why you should care: Director Kar Wai Wong is a big deal, even if you’ve never heard of him. You have however heard of Natalie Portman, Rachel Weisz, Jude Law, and Norah Jones.
Jumper
Why you should care: Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker together again!
The Spiderwick Chronicles
Why you should care: Cool special effects? Another fantasy movie wannabe? Maybe you shouldn’t care.
Vantage Point
Why you should care: Great cast, cool conspiracy premise. Jack finally gets off the island.
The Signal
Why you should care: A freaky, end of the world horror movie without zombies. It’ll scare your pants off.
Charlie Bartlett
Why you should care: Because any movie that takes this long to release has to be good… doesn’t it? Also, it stars Star Trek’s new Pavel Chekhov.
Semi-Pro
Why you should care: Will Ferrell wears a fro and makes granny-style freethrows.
MARCH
10,000 B.C.
Why you should care: Master of disaster director Roland Emmerich sets his sites on blowing up prehistoric man.
Horton Hears A Who
Why you should care: Hollywood has to get Dr. Seuss right eventually, don’t they?
Inkheart
Why you should care: Another random fantasy movie with a cute kid. Actually, toss it in a bin with Spiderwick and forget about it.
Drillbit Taylor
Why you should care: It’s produced by king of comedy Judd Apatow, and co-written by his protégé Seth Rogen. Besides, buying a ticket for it could help boost Owen Wilson’s self-esteem. Apparently he needs it.
APRIL
Leatherheads
Why you should care: George Clooney plays football, which should be more interesting than his last movie Michael Clayton, in which he stared blankly at the screen.
Nim’s Island
Why you should care: The year’s third random, throwaway, family fantasy movie. This one stars Jodie Foster and Gerard Butler.
Baby Mama
Why you should care: Amy Poehler plays Tina Fey’s surrogate mother.
Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
Why you should care: Neil Patrick Harris rides a unicorn. Not to be missed.
MAY
Iron Man
Why you should care: Because with this material, this director, and this cast, it could be the first superhero movie to deserve an Oscar. Since it’s not a period drama or a movie about handicaps it won’t win one, but dammit it just might deserve it.
Speed Racer
Why you should care: Directed by Andy and Larry (er Lana?) Wachowski.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Why you should care: The books keep getting better as they go along, maybe the movies will too.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Why you should care: Indiana Jones? Maybe you’ve heard of him.
Sex and the City: The Movie
Why you should care: You’re a woman. Otherwise, you shouldn’t.
Starship Dave
Why you should care: Eddie Murphy plays an alien in a comedy that smells suspiciously like Innerspace.
JUNE
Kung Fu Panda
Why you should care: Jack Black as a fat, animated Panda doing Kung Fu. It was funny the first time when it was called Beverly Hills Ninja, could work again.
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan
Why you should care: Comedy script written by Judd Apatow, Adam Sandler, and Robert Smigel
The Incredible Hulk
Why you should care: Second time’s the charm?
The Happening
Why you should care: M. Night Shyamalan is back, and this time he may not suck.
Get Smart
Why you should care: Steve Carell makes phone calls on his shoe.
The Love Guru
Why you should care: Mike Myers invents a new character. No fat suit required.
Wanted
Why you should care: May be your last chance to see Angelina Jolie before she morphs into a skeleton.
WALL-E
Why you should care: Pixar.
JULY
Hancock
Why you should care: It’s Will Smith’s turn to play a superhero. Except his is a drunk.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Why you should care: Hollywood’s most lovable demon returns to punch tentacles with his right fist o’ doom.
Mamma Mia!
Why you should care: Meryl Streep bounces on beds while singing Abba tunes.
Tropic Thunder
Why you should care: Written by Ben Stiller. Directed by Ben Stiller. Starring Ben Stiller.
The Dark Knight
Why you should care: Heath Ledger may be the best Joker ever.
X-Files 2
Why you should care: This franchise still has life, even if the first movie missed the mark.
AUGUST
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Why you should care: The first two were fun. Brendan Fraser is back even if Rachel Weisz isn’t. Can it really be that badD?
The Pineapple Express
Why you should care: Former Freaks and Geeks buddies Seth Rogen and James Franco reunite for a wild, stoner comedy/action movie. Written by Superbad scribes Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg. Produced by Judd Apatow.
Dragonball
Why you should care: It’s based on Dragonball Z, the most popular and worst anime franchise of all time.
Babylon A.D.
Why you should care: Vin Diesel returns to kicking ass after the apocalypse.
SEPTEMBER
Punisher: War Zone
Why you should care: Because after Dolph Lundgren and John Travolta, this franchise can’t possibly get any worse.
Death Race
Why you should care: Because improving on Roger Corman is easier than you might think… even if your lead is Jason Statham.
OCTOBER
Where the Wild Things Are
Why you should care: Finally a film for childhood fans of Reading Rainbow! Levar Burton needs a cameo.
Valkyrie
Why you should care: Tom Cruise puts on an eye patch and trades one cult for another to play the Nazi who almost killed Hitler.
City of Ember
Why you should care: Bill Murray in an energy conservation fantasy movie.
Body of Lies
Why you should care: Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe’s followup to American Gangster.
Madagascar: The Crate Escape
Why you should care: Admit it. You thought the penguins were pretty funny in the first one.
NOVEMBER
James Bond 22
Why you should care: Odds are Daniel Craig will shoot people and sleep with beautiful women. When it comes to Bond movies, does anything else matter?
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Why you should care: One movie away from Harry’s adventures coming to an end… and Hermione becoming barely legal. Creepy.
Bolt
Why you should care: John Lasseter fights to get Disney animation back on track with a computer animated dog flick.
DECEMBER
Star Trek
Why you should care: Pointed ears are about to become fashionable again.
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